Peace. That's all I feel these days, peace. Wow is it welcome after this year.
One of the fundamentals that SonRise teaches is that you must come to a place where you accept your child, as he is, and love him totally. Even if he were not to improve one little bit more. Being 100% accepting of him as he is and content in it.
That is pretty easy for me to do right now, he is so awesome. He hugs me spontaneously, he kisses. He's so happy, aware, able...
Could I have had this attitude before we did biomed? Could I have accepted the little boy forever who was so unresponsive we thought he might be deaf? Who couldn't make eye contact or bear much touch? I really don't know. Thank God we found biomed and he has been so responsive to each and every intervention.
My little boy. Such a sweet little boy who laughs and sings and is beginning to prefer people over objects, not just me, others! He is blossoming before my eyes. He does new things every day that literally amaze us.
So yes. I am 100% able to stop fighting against myself and accept Andrew, my bright little sunshine, exactly how he is. To stop comparing and daydreaming of recovery. To live in the now with him and be fully present, accepting, and loving. To celebrate whatever he does when he is surrounded with my attitude of total acceptance.
It's been a year, it's hard to remember him as anyone who he is now, and I am choosing to be OK with that. I am through grieving. I am through with the anger and the sadness consuming me, literally around me like a dark cloud day in, day out. I am choosing to move forward.