This phrase has been in the forefront of my mind this week.
Let me tell you, that from the place of deep fear and am get that I lived in to this place of thankfulness, what a difference it makes in my quality of life.
And it isn't even a choice anymore to focus on the positive. It's all there is: these autism moms who are in my life and understand everything about me, to the good in the community that surrounds me, to the miracle of Andrews undeniable recovery happening before my eyes each day--- there's just so much good, it's what I am swimming in.
Truly, I think, what if he never became autistic? And life carried on the path I was on. Sure, I would have been spared a lot of grief and heartache, but things weren't perfect. Life has challenges and we were deep in ours before autism came. And I had very little perspective compared to now. Autism has made us all healthier and happier. Ha! Can you imagine?
Oh yes there are days I am mad. I hate mandatory flu shots and I get very frustrated with some of the very evident damage that has been done to our bodies before I woke the hell up. It's hard because I know my children are growing up in a scary, poisonous world and I certainly did not give them the best shot at healthy lives ---especially Ava, who lived the longest with my poor decision making. All I can hope for is that she will make better choices for herself and her family some day. My children will know the truth and can be informed, powerful decision makers in their lives.
So, I am thankful. Still. Maybe not zen like October, but thankful. I cannot imagine my life without my fellow autism moms. I have just entered this circle of powerful, amazing women who I have known less than a month and yet they are already a second family. Because they know. More on this, later :)
Andrew. Andrew has had a hell of a month. He is now on 5- MTHF five days a week and has finished two vaccine clears. One more to go. He is blossoming, literally, before our eyes. He is curious and is actively exploring everything. He spends NO time each day isming. None. From most hours of his day two months ago to no hours. He hugged Ben. He seems totally enchanted by Ava. His sleep is the best it's ever been. He's so social. He still prefers the quiet of his SonRise room to the chaos of the living room, but quite frankly, so do I. He's rediscovering his love of books. But instead of stimming on the turning pages he is looking at the pictures and following points to items on the pages. He loves his SonRise volunteers and is thriving in this type of therapy.